Oh lyme brain....

So it's been just under a year since my last posting!  This has not been intentional.  I ended up quite sick last winter which caused my doctor to decide to put me back on IV antibiotics.  Because of health insurance and CT state medical regulations (believe it or not) I had to move back in with my parents in RI to get the treatment.  I ended up quite sick and not wanting to do anything and unable to do most things - I honestly could not even remember this website to get back to it! Oh lyme brain... I only JUST managed to find the address again because it was listed on my Facebook page and I did not realize it.

My brain scans do indicate that I have the same damage as someone with early stage Alzheimer's.  So my memory is not always so great.  I have forgotten full weekends and full days in the past.  It's not that I don't realize time has passed, because I do, it's just that I don't remember anything that has occurred during that time.  Luckily this has not happened to that extent in a couple of years but I will forget entire conversations or hours may disappear.

I was on the IV meds for just over 7 months!  It required daily visits to an infusion center.  The nurses were absolutely wonderful and I half looked forward to going!  If they weren't so great, I can imagine those could have been the longest 7 months of my life.

Even though I paid for it during the treatment, I have been feeling better lately.  I have more energy and motivation.  It's certainly a LONG way from normal but definitely an improvement.  I'm still plagued by the insomnia though.  Strangely it improved while I was back at my parents, but is now back with a vengeance.  I'm hoping I can get it back under control again.  It's miserable being awake all night and sleeping all day and believe me I've tried everything.  I even have one of those LED sun therapy lamps although I've stopped using it the last couple weeks because I am afraid that using it at 2p when I get up will have the opposite affect than what I want.  Since it can't really get much worse, I should probably just start using it then and hope for the best.

Anyway, I hope I can get back in the habit of posting and hopefully do it on a weekly basis instead of whenever I get around to it!  I have put myself on a schedule the last few weeks so maybe I should add this to it.  The last few years I have felt so awful it's been hard to maintain any type of schedule - when you literally can't get off the couch to go to the bathroom it's hard to expect yourself to sweep the kitchen floor!  But like I said, I have been feeling a bit better and feel that maintaining a schedule is the next step to feeling a little more human.  Basically every Monday I need to sweep/steam/vacuum the floors and every week of the month there's a new room to clean.  That's it but it's all I can handle at the moment.

Well that's all for now!  Until next week....
Tara

Working and eating....

So I finally was able to get off my butt Thursday night and make candles.  I hadn't done any crafting (other than making 2 quilting blocks) since before Thanksgiving!  I've had so many bad days since then and just haven't had the drive on the good days to do "productive" things.  I will say, I've managed to clean the bathroom a few times since then - thank goodness! - otherwise not so much.  Although I can't say that entirely because I had been better about cooking for myself and doing some light exercise until the medication change.  Now I'm mostly back to relying on the fiance for cooking and watching a lot of tv.

The doctor prescribed me a pill to help me sleep.  I took it for the first time Superbowl Sunday (it was a sad day in New England!) and I slept for 22 out of 25 hours then slept another 5 on top of that over the course of 38 hours (no I wasn't that depressed about the Pats loss).  It was unbelievable!  It was 48 hours before I was completely able to shake the sleep coma off.  I tried taking it again last night and slept 5 hours, got up, made candles for 3 hours, went to bed at 7:30a and slept till 1:30p.  So I don't know what this pill is or is not doing. 

I'm still, for the most part, eating better.  I'm really trying hard to get rid of as much junk food as possible and find whole food substitutions for the junk I can't live without ;-)  Chips are my downfall!  Especially nachos. So I make my own pita chips and tortilla chips by just taking whole pitas or tortillas and baking them in the oven coated with a little oil and a sprinkle of salt.  By doing just 1 at a time I prevent myself from totally bingeing on them, which I am so apt to do and they also are not as addictive as the kinds that come in a bag.  I also experiment with adding spices - I added chilli powder and lime juice last time to my tortillas and they were delicious.  Next time, I would like to try putting some cinnamon sugar on the pitas.  All in all, I'm getting in my veggies, but still struggle with eating fruit.  I'm allergic to some of it and just don't care for a lot of it.  I am trying though.

Last week, however, I was not a good girl and kept having crazy cravings for fast food and large quantities of chips.  I absolutely could not control my cravings and kept binging every night.  I ended up gaining 7lbs out of the 15lbs I lost!  I have been good the last few days although I'm still going over my calories everyday: not by a lot but around 100 calories or so.  I am hoping I will be able to get that back down again.  I am back down nearly 3 lbs but that still leaves me with a little over 4 to lose.  Maybe I'll do some Wii dancing to burn off that extra 100 calories while I'm awake and thinking of it!

To a better day tomorrow :-)

Feeling neglected?

So I've been neglecting this blog.  Right after the holidays I visited my lyme doctor and he changed my meds which means I'm hexing, flaring, having a reaction....whatever you would like to call it.  For the last couple weeks I've neglected everything so it's no surprise.  My to-do list is getting rather long.

The one thing I've been trying to NOT neglect is my health.  I've been trying to eat right, lose some weight and exercise whenever possible.  The exercise thing is a challenge since when I do feel well enough to do it, I usually pay for it later by not being able to walk, but it gets done.  I don't know if it's better to push myself or continue to just lay on the couch....there is no happy medium.  Laying on the couch seems like a bad idea.  I'm afraid I will just get worse and worse and weaker and weaker.

I've been watching what I eat since the middle of December and I'm down 15lbs so that is looking up!  Gaining all the weight after getting sick can't possibly be helping especially having diabetes and early onset heart disease runs in my family (my dad had his first angioplasty at 38 and I'm currently 32).

However, last Wednesday I did happen to feel well and decided in celebration of my birthday I would get a tattoo.  It says "Believe" and is a reminder to believe in myself and believe I will get better!  Hopefully I can truly take that message to heart!

Happy (belated) New Year!

Well, I have neglected my blog for a week or so.  I have been busy being healthy.  It takes up way more time than I want it to!

So I am using a great site: myfitnesspal.com.  It is a free site for those looking for weight loss help.  I joined in August 2010 and used it for a weeks and then gave up.  Then I started using it again for about a day and gave up again, but alas, I started using it again about a month ago and I've stuck to it since.  It's great.  It has a food tracker tool to count calories or carbs or whatever else you are interested in tracking to lose weight.  There are also forums for support and you can make "friends" who encourage you to eat right, work out and give advice.  I think if you are truly committed to losing weight this site will definitely help.  So far I'm officially down 4 pounds, but I had lost 3 pounds from the summer until December so 7 pounds down and a lot more than I'm willing to admit, to go ;-)

I eliminated (nearly) all the processed foods from my diet -- you will never get me to start making my own tortillas, but the large majority of my foods are beans and vegetables.  I've also brought my meat intake to 1-2 meals/week.  I think eating in this way is helping my lyme.  I do feel like I have a bit more energy: yesterday I was able (and motivated to) go for a walk.  That hasn't happened for a while.  We'll see what today brings.  I've also slept a bit better the last few days (although not so much last night).  I've suffered from insomnia my entire life, but the last year has been particularly bad.  I won't fall asleep until 5a and sleep until 1p or I will only sleep in short 2-4hour bursts.  It is really hard to function normally and feel well when you are unable to sleep.  I have a c-pap for sleep apnea that does not help and sleeping pills that are supposed to knock you out the second you take them, but neither has worked for me.

I'm hoping this whole lifestyle change (it's not a diet!!) will work for me and speed up my recovery. 

Exercise and....video games!

Ok so we all know we're supposed to exercise but those moments that we feel well enough to are fleeting.  Plus let's face it, walking on the treadmill is boring which does nothing to get your motivation up to do it!  I joined a gym in May thinking if I paid to go (how many of us have had this thought?) I would go, but I have been a total of 6 times.  Obviously this is not working out and is costing me about $12 per 35 minute walk on that damned treadmill.  So my solution is to use my Wii instead.

I got the Wii for Christmas in 2008 but I got really sick in February 2009 so I didn't really get to use it.  It's become a $250 Netflix streaming machine.  A few weeks ago I started playing the Wii Sports games again and I am finally able to play for a little while plus it's a lot of fun.  It gives you a lot more motivation to do something if it's fun.  Is it the best exercise in the world? No probably not, but moving around a little is better than laying on the couch all day.  Plus, if you only have the energy to play for 5 minutes you can and you didn't waste time and energy driving to the gym.  Today I bought Just Dance 2 (yes I realize they came out with 3 but considering I'm behind the times, the less expensive version will do) and I played for 40 minutes!!  It was sooooo much fun.  Plus I have asked for the Wii Balance Board for my birthday so here's to more exercise and better health in 2012!

Flexitarian

I learned a new word: flexitarian.  I like it.  For those who don't know what it is, dictionary.com defines it as

            a person who eats a predominantly vegetarian diet, but who eats meat or fish occasionally

I have always said I could be a vegetarian if it wasn't for the fact that I occasionally crave meat.  Generally I'm repulsed by meat!  In my mind I pretend it grows pre-packaged on a tree - it doesn't work. 

Of course, plant-based foods are a necessity to being a vegetarian and I have not always been good about eating veggies.  I also am not so great with alternative protein sources!  Other than baked and refried beans and hummus, I had no idea how to make beans (FYI I hate tofu).  My "flexitarian" diet has consisted of boxed mac & cheese, grilled cheese, tomato soup, more boxed mac & cheese, just cheese, cheese and crackers, chips.....so I don't think that's really what flexitarian means.  So I have been a woman on a mission the last year or so figuring out how to incorporate more veggies into my diet (which I did) and how to cook those mysterious beans (which I also did)!  For the last 3 weeks I have accomplished that which I set out to do:  I have my meat down to around 1-2 meals per week (of course with Christmas and leftovers, meat made it's way back into my diet way more this past weekend), I am eating a lot more veggies, I have cut way back on the junk and have my calories down to a reasonable level.  I'm proud of myself.

Cutting out junk food has been the hardest part: it is my downfall.  The lyme spirochetes feed on sugar, so the less sugar I eat, the better off I will be!  Although sugary treats aren't necessarily that difficult for me to eliminate; it's carbs!!!  I love salty, crunchy snacks.  However, I have been under my recommended carbs and sugar intake about 70% of the days so far which is a big plus. 

I have been making these changes slowly over time.  I think that is the best way to get habits to stick.  Otherwise if you are making too many changes you end up getting frustrated and give up.  These changes I have been working on for about a year.  It has been trial and error: I have done things that absolutely didn't work: the Atkins diet.  This has worked for me in the past but with all my meds my digestive tract is so messed up it was not able to handle the large amount of protein.  What has worked was adding more veggies.  This was step one.  I started adding a larger quantity and more variety.  The second step was to attempt to curb junk food.  This step was the longest and hardest and I wasn't able to be successful until I started step 3 which was adding more protein sources.  Finally I have reduced my caloric intake to something reasonable that I won't starve sticking to!  Whenever I have failed at a "diet" it's because I've been hungry and feel deprived that I can't have those indulgences that I want.  I am telling you now that this is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change.  I let myself splurge on occasion.  This weekend it was Christmas and next weekend New Years': Last weekend was tough (although overall I didn't do awful) and I know this upcoming weekend will also be tough.  It doesn't mean I will give up, it means the next day is a new day and therefore a new start.  As long as it doesn't turn into a daily event, eating those favorite foods won't kill me!!  So even if that scale doesn't budge (which it hasn't so far) I will not get discouraged, because in the long run I will be much better for it.  Although, I am hoping overall this will help me get my weight under control with the huge weight gain that occurred when I got sick, but more so I am hoping this will help with my health in general.  I am Type 2 diabetic and severe heart disease runs on both sides of my family so I need to do anything I can do to help myself!

Aside from the health benefits of changing my eating habits, there is also a lot of environmental impact.  Four pounds of grain yields one pound of meat!  Obviously, we are better just to eat that grain and cut out the "middle man".  Animals poop and that gets into our water supplies and pollutes them, along with methane that can pollute our air, livestock takes up a lot of room and can decimate certain ecosystems, etc.  I am not saying everyone should eat this way, but if every American could eliminate meat from 1 meal per week, imagine the good it could do! :-)  These are just a few small benefits to the environment. 

Here are 2 of my favorite recipes so far:
Breakfast burritos: heat a tortilla, spread with a little guacamole.  Saute onions, peppers until lightly browned and a handful of fresh spinach and continue cooking until nearly wilted, add some whisked eggs or egg beaters and make into a veggie scrambled egg mixture.  Place onto tortilla and add a pinch of shredded cheese if desired.

Tex-Mex Vegetarian Chili: Heat 2 TBLS olive oil over medium heat in stock pot.  Add 1 peeled and chopped red onion, half seeded and diced red, yellow and green peppers each, 4 cloves of peeled and minced garlic, salt and pepper, 2 TBLS chili powder, 1 TBLS cumin, 1 TBLS paprika and cook about 10 mins until veggies are soft.  Add 6 oz canned, rinsed and drained of each black beans, kidney beans, pinto beans (and we added chickpeas too for good measure), 14 oz tomato sauce, 14 oz stewed tomatoes and 1 sachet of cinnamon stick and 4 bay leaves.  Simmer uncovered 30 mins.  Add 1/2 diced zucchini, 1/2 diced yellow squash, and the kernels of 1 ear of corn and simmer 5 more mins.  Finish with 2 TBLS minced fresh cilantro and 1 jalapeno, seeded and minced.  Ladle into bowls and garnish with sour cream.  YUMMY!!

The Holidays

I hope everyone has enjoyed the holidays so far!  I have enjoyed spending time with family and friends.  What I haven't enjoyed is what all that excitement has done to the spirochetes.  Unfortunately they have had a little too much fun themselves!  Christmas Eve started out early with me baking at 3:30a (because I have severe insomnia, not because I am a masochist).  I headed to bed a few hours later but only got about 6 hours of sleep.  By the time I headed home to RI, I was quite tired already.  Halfway through the evening I spent about an hour at a friend of the family's not being able to walk or speak.  Not the most pleasant thing to have happen.  Luckily when it's family and close friends, it isn't such a big deal since they know what is happening but when there are strangers around, it gets kind of embarrassing.

The same thing happened on Christmas Day.  Of course having twin 3.5 year old niece and nephew will make that happen to just about anyone!  Santa was very good to them :-)  They had a lot of energy running and jumping and by the end of the day there was lots of tired crying!  My nephew was crying and a minute later completely passed out in my lap.

It was a fun, but long day for all 3 of us.