We baked 3 kinds of Christmas cookies today. Thank goodness we waited until today to make them and not earlier in the week like I wanted because I attacked them. I, of course needed to taste test them....I don't want to give people bland cookies! I also received a plate of cookies as a gift which I also needed to sample. Grrr....I have been doing so well eating healthy lately. Sugar is awful for the lyme - it's their food so the best thing to do is not have it at all. Well apparently my spirochetes are also having a Merry Christmas. lol
Well, it's the middle of the night and the dough for my kiffles is thorougly chilled...so I am off to bake some more. Let's see if I can resist the urge to taste test this time. ;-P
Merry Christmas!!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Welcoming in 2012
I am welcoming 2012 with open arms. I hope that this year is finally the year to usher in good health and a little good luck that this house needs! So in honor of that, let's sum up 2011!
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
I allowed my creative side to develop....the side of me that's essentially been dormant since I was 14. I was always one of the better students in art classes going through school but I stopped doing anything creative when I decided to become a scientist.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions?
I did not have any - just a New Years' wish to get better. This year I hope to live a healthier lifestyle regardless of my limitations.
3. Did you do any traveling this year?
Not exactly, but I did get to spend a night in Boston for a friends wedding. Michael and I went to the Boston of Museum of Science the next day. I also spent several other nights in Boston, but those were for medical tests....nothing fun!
4. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
#1 of course, would be my health! #2 would be for Michael to be able to find a job and #3 would be for just a little luck!
5. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 24th when Michael and I had our commitment ceremony.
6. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Getting the guts to develop that creative side of mine and display my work.
7. What was your biggest failure?
Not being as careful about my health as I should be.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Duh. lol
9. What was the best thing you bought?
My sewing machine :-)
10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael and the rest of my family and friends. They have provided me with tons of love and support. Michael especially has stood by me through thick and thin and really took care of me (sometimes too much!)
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The medical community as a whole. However, I am encouraged to see the last few months more information/attention/research coming out about lyme.
12. Where did most of your money go?
What money? lol
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I am still really, really, really excited about the prospect of feeling better and having a normal life again....this one is ongoing ;-)
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
David Gray's "This Year's Love" because it's mine and Michael's song.
15. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Pushed myself to exercise more. It is so hard when you barely have the energy to get off the couch but I'm not doing myself any favors by not doing it at all.
16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Taking my stress out on Michael!!!!!!!
17. How will you be spending Christmas?
Close family friends Christmas Eve, my parents' house Christmas Day and my aunt and uncle the following weekend.
18. Did you fall in love in 2011?
With my Michael of course!
19. What was your favorite TV program?
I watch too much TV!
20. What was the best book you read?
Well with the brain damage reading is not my strong suit so it's mostly magazines, but I did read the Hunger Games and I enjoyed reading the trilogy.
21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele, duh.
22. What did you want and get?
Michael and I to show our commitment to eachother in front of our friends and family. It wasn't the way I wanted it to happen, but we did it.
23. What did you want and not get?
My health and a job for Michael (I sound like a broken record!)
24. What was your favorite film of this year?
No idea. I can't for the life of me remember what movies I saw. lol
25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 this year. Everything is a blur....I don't remember what I did yesterday nevermind what happened last January. I'm sure I had dinner with the family.
26.What was one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Guess....lol
27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Lazy....definitely not the usual.
28. What kept you sane?
Who says I'm sane?????
29. What political issue stirred you the most?
Lyme disease! It may not seem like a political issue to most but it is. Luckily there are some politicians out there who are on the side of the lymies and have introduced assorted legislation to help us. Of course there's also the Keystone XL pipeline....
30. Who did you miss?
I miss being near the majority of my friends and family.
31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Sometimes you need to roll with the punches. If you fight against everything it will consume you. It certainly isn't one I have mastered by any means, but it's something I am working on.
32. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Don't stop believing" - Journey
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
I allowed my creative side to develop....the side of me that's essentially been dormant since I was 14. I was always one of the better students in art classes going through school but I stopped doing anything creative when I decided to become a scientist.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions?
I did not have any - just a New Years' wish to get better. This year I hope to live a healthier lifestyle regardless of my limitations.
3. Did you do any traveling this year?
Not exactly, but I did get to spend a night in Boston for a friends wedding. Michael and I went to the Boston of Museum of Science the next day. I also spent several other nights in Boston, but those were for medical tests....nothing fun!
4. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
#1 of course, would be my health! #2 would be for Michael to be able to find a job and #3 would be for just a little luck!
5. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 24th when Michael and I had our commitment ceremony.
6. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Getting the guts to develop that creative side of mine and display my work.
7. What was your biggest failure?
Not being as careful about my health as I should be.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Duh. lol
9. What was the best thing you bought?
My sewing machine :-)
10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael and the rest of my family and friends. They have provided me with tons of love and support. Michael especially has stood by me through thick and thin and really took care of me (sometimes too much!)
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The medical community as a whole. However, I am encouraged to see the last few months more information/attention/research coming out about lyme.
12. Where did most of your money go?
What money? lol
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I am still really, really, really excited about the prospect of feeling better and having a normal life again....this one is ongoing ;-)
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
David Gray's "This Year's Love" because it's mine and Michael's song.
15. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Pushed myself to exercise more. It is so hard when you barely have the energy to get off the couch but I'm not doing myself any favors by not doing it at all.
16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Taking my stress out on Michael!!!!!!!
17. How will you be spending Christmas?
Close family friends Christmas Eve, my parents' house Christmas Day and my aunt and uncle the following weekend.
18. Did you fall in love in 2011?
With my Michael of course!
19. What was your favorite TV program?
I watch too much TV!
20. What was the best book you read?
Well with the brain damage reading is not my strong suit so it's mostly magazines, but I did read the Hunger Games and I enjoyed reading the trilogy.
21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele, duh.
22. What did you want and get?
Michael and I to show our commitment to eachother in front of our friends and family. It wasn't the way I wanted it to happen, but we did it.
23. What did you want and not get?
My health and a job for Michael (I sound like a broken record!)
24. What was your favorite film of this year?
No idea. I can't for the life of me remember what movies I saw. lol
25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 this year. Everything is a blur....I don't remember what I did yesterday nevermind what happened last January. I'm sure I had dinner with the family.
26.What was one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Guess....lol
27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Lazy....definitely not the usual.
28. What kept you sane?
Who says I'm sane?????
29. What political issue stirred you the most?
Lyme disease! It may not seem like a political issue to most but it is. Luckily there are some politicians out there who are on the side of the lymies and have introduced assorted legislation to help us. Of course there's also the Keystone XL pipeline....
30. Who did you miss?
I miss being near the majority of my friends and family.
31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Sometimes you need to roll with the punches. If you fight against everything it will consume you. It certainly isn't one I have mastered by any means, but it's something I am working on.
32. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Don't stop believing" - Journey
Monday, December 19, 2011
The ugly....
What's not pretty about lyme is what it steals from you.
It's robbed me of being able to walk, speak (sometimes literally and sometimes I just can't put my thoughts into words), read, I have tremors so bad some days I need to use a straw so I don't spill my drink all over, work, be a spouse, the great aunt I want to be, the friend I once was, and just enjoy my life in general.
Even though I have had lyme for over 20 years, I was relatively healthy until 2008. Before that, I was a graduate student, a runner, an outdoors person, a social butterfly...now when I leave my apartment it's to basically go to the doctor or Walmart or occasionally go out with a friend. Most of the time I require a walker and sometimes even a wheelchair to do these things.
In 2006 I ran the Maine Half Marathon and was training for the Walt Disney World Marathon. Now some days I literally cannot walk from the couch to the bathroom. I was robbed of my self confidence: something I never lacked in the past. I get nervous leaving the house. My independence is gone. I rarely leave the house by myself (although it is getting better). I used to commute 4 hours a day to and from work (not that I enjoyed it!) now I absolutely will not drive more than 20 minutes and most days won't drive at all. Most of that has been a result of the brain damage. I lost all my "mental maps" and get easily lost even driving roads I have been familiar with my entire life; I get confused between the brake and the gas pedals; my reading comprehension is not great so reading road signs on the move can be a real challenge; and needless to say, the quick thinking sometimes required while driving just doesn't occur.
But, it's more than just these things in and of themselves: I am literally afraid when doing things on my own. That is the worst thing of all.
It's robbed me of being able to walk, speak (sometimes literally and sometimes I just can't put my thoughts into words), read, I have tremors so bad some days I need to use a straw so I don't spill my drink all over, work, be a spouse, the great aunt I want to be, the friend I once was, and just enjoy my life in general.
Even though I have had lyme for over 20 years, I was relatively healthy until 2008. Before that, I was a graduate student, a runner, an outdoors person, a social butterfly...now when I leave my apartment it's to basically go to the doctor or Walmart or occasionally go out with a friend. Most of the time I require a walker and sometimes even a wheelchair to do these things.
In 2006 I ran the Maine Half Marathon and was training for the Walt Disney World Marathon. Now some days I literally cannot walk from the couch to the bathroom. I was robbed of my self confidence: something I never lacked in the past. I get nervous leaving the house. My independence is gone. I rarely leave the house by myself (although it is getting better). I used to commute 4 hours a day to and from work (not that I enjoyed it!) now I absolutely will not drive more than 20 minutes and most days won't drive at all. Most of that has been a result of the brain damage. I lost all my "mental maps" and get easily lost even driving roads I have been familiar with my entire life; I get confused between the brake and the gas pedals; my reading comprehension is not great so reading road signs on the move can be a real challenge; and needless to say, the quick thinking sometimes required while driving just doesn't occur.
But, it's more than just these things in and of themselves: I am literally afraid when doing things on my own. That is the worst thing of all.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Benefits of Lyme???
Yup I said it: there are benefits of having lyme or other chronic illness.
I am a trained scientist. I spent 8 years getting my bachelor's and master's degree in environmental science. I was lucky enough to manage to work in the field for 3 years before I was no longer able to continue. Being a scientist does not leave much room for creativity -- it is certainly a very cerebral profession. Unfortunately with brain damage comes the inevitable difficulty of thinking about everything! Making decisions about what you plan to eat for breakfast feels like a major life decision. Luckily for me, I have always had an artistic side. However, early in high school I abandoned my creativity for the pursuit of science: I felt like I wasn't able to do both.
Every once in a great blue moon over the years, I would start working on something creative but just as quickly I would quit. Once I was no longer able to work because of the lyme, however, I began to feel that I lacked a purpose. Feeling like you have no purpose in life might as well be a death sentance. It threw me into a severe depression. I was no longer able to make simple decisions. The confident, independent person I was, suddenly became dependent on everyone for everything. I truly mean everything since I became essentially bedridden for 2 months of my life. Even once I began to get somewhat better, I was still reliant on people cooking my meals, driving me where I needed to go, making my phone calls, doing my chores, etc. I needed an outlet. I wasn't able to read (imagine, going to school for 8 years and realizing you can't read) so that was out of the question and the only thing I was doing was watching tv and spiraling downward.
One day, I got back into making jewelry during those moments when I was feeling decent. It was one of the creative outlets I would start many years ago, and just as quickly quit. Then I started sewing again and making handbags; candles were soon to follow. I was finally able to tap back into my creative side; a part of me that undoubtedly I likely would never have fully embraced had I not gotten sick. I feel like I have purpose again. It's not the same as having a regular job and it's not something I am able to do regularly, but it's an outlet that I truly enjoy and would have completely forgotten about. I've been crafting since June and am looking forward to what new and fun things I can come up with.
So my advice to anyone who is in a depression due to being ill is to embrace something that at some point you enjoyed and maybe forgot about or better yet, find something new you think you might enjoy! Do something crafty or artsy, be creative in the kitchen, start a blog....do something that makes you feel useful again! It will make you feel so much better about yourself, and who knows, maybe it will lead to a brand new passion and possibly a new career once you are ready to get back to work.
T
I am a trained scientist. I spent 8 years getting my bachelor's and master's degree in environmental science. I was lucky enough to manage to work in the field for 3 years before I was no longer able to continue. Being a scientist does not leave much room for creativity -- it is certainly a very cerebral profession. Unfortunately with brain damage comes the inevitable difficulty of thinking about everything! Making decisions about what you plan to eat for breakfast feels like a major life decision. Luckily for me, I have always had an artistic side. However, early in high school I abandoned my creativity for the pursuit of science: I felt like I wasn't able to do both.
Every once in a great blue moon over the years, I would start working on something creative but just as quickly I would quit. Once I was no longer able to work because of the lyme, however, I began to feel that I lacked a purpose. Feeling like you have no purpose in life might as well be a death sentance. It threw me into a severe depression. I was no longer able to make simple decisions. The confident, independent person I was, suddenly became dependent on everyone for everything. I truly mean everything since I became essentially bedridden for 2 months of my life. Even once I began to get somewhat better, I was still reliant on people cooking my meals, driving me where I needed to go, making my phone calls, doing my chores, etc. I needed an outlet. I wasn't able to read (imagine, going to school for 8 years and realizing you can't read) so that was out of the question and the only thing I was doing was watching tv and spiraling downward.
One day, I got back into making jewelry during those moments when I was feeling decent. It was one of the creative outlets I would start many years ago, and just as quickly quit. Then I started sewing again and making handbags; candles were soon to follow. I was finally able to tap back into my creative side; a part of me that undoubtedly I likely would never have fully embraced had I not gotten sick. I feel like I have purpose again. It's not the same as having a regular job and it's not something I am able to do regularly, but it's an outlet that I truly enjoy and would have completely forgotten about. I've been crafting since June and am looking forward to what new and fun things I can come up with.
So my advice to anyone who is in a depression due to being ill is to embrace something that at some point you enjoyed and maybe forgot about or better yet, find something new you think you might enjoy! Do something crafty or artsy, be creative in the kitchen, start a blog....do something that makes you feel useful again! It will make you feel so much better about yourself, and who knows, maybe it will lead to a brand new passion and possibly a new career once you are ready to get back to work.
T
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Oh the simple things....
Yes it is the simple things but when you have memory problems and concentration issues the things that were once so easy are not that simple anymore.
Writing Facebook posts....seems simple enough right? Wrong. An idea pops into your head. Seems like something people might be interested in but then again, how many interesting Facebook posts have you really read lately?? Anyway...the idea pops into your head and you start typing. Well after about 4 words you suddenly switch topics without realizing it because you've been distracted by some other random thought that pops in your head, or someone speaking, or the tv, or....well you get the idea. Or here's another: you get 4 words in and completely forget what you were going to say!
Either way, that witty/interesting/timely post no longer makes any sense and the time has past. Hopefully next time my brain won't fail me....
Writing Facebook posts....seems simple enough right? Wrong. An idea pops into your head. Seems like something people might be interested in but then again, how many interesting Facebook posts have you really read lately?? Anyway...the idea pops into your head and you start typing. Well after about 4 words you suddenly switch topics without realizing it because you've been distracted by some other random thought that pops in your head, or someone speaking, or the tv, or....well you get the idea. Or here's another: you get 4 words in and completely forget what you were going to say!
Either way, that witty/interesting/timely post no longer makes any sense and the time has past. Hopefully next time my brain won't fail me....
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Nutcracker
Those of you who have lyme or know someone who does knows the difficulty of living with this condition. I didn't think I would have a blog (especially about something so depressing!) but I am hoping this blog won't just be about the depressing side of lyme. I want to talk about the funny stuff, provide (and hopefully receive) information and just talk about life in general. But first off, we should begin at the beginning....
My story starts in 1990. I was 10 years old and playing in my front yard in the middle of suburbia when I scratched my head to find a tick attached. Of course, being in suburbia in 1990 my parents were not particularly aware of lyme and people generally thought that was something you only had to worry about in the middle of the woods. So my dad pulled it out and that was that....of course that wasn't that. It started a roller coaster ride of symptoms that lasted (and continues to last) for the next 20+ years. After being diagnosed with a laundry list of random conditions, I wasn't diagnosed with lyme until 2009.
It's a struggle on a daily basis but makes you appreciate the small things in life! Today I went with my fiance, Michael, to see The Nutcracker! I love The Nutcracker. It was the first ballet or play I had seen as a child and remains my favorite to this day. I asked him 2 weeks ago if he wanted to get tickets. Knowing Michael means knowing the answer to this question would be "the look" and the response of "Are you crazy?". First of all, it's Sunday. Sunday is a holy day in this house and has NOTHING to do with going to church. Sunday is football and NASCAR! I get about 3 Sundays the entire year where neither occurs so I have to make the most of those days. He spends the entire day cooking and watching sports. So it was much to my surprise when, without having to beg he said yes! So I hurried and bought the tickets before he came to his senses and changed his mind. Last Thursday night when he took over the tv to watch the Steelers, I realized that was the reason he agreed. Whatever, I was going to the ballet.
Of course just leaving the house can become a major production now and going to see The Nutcracker proved no different. A question I have become much more aware of since I started having to walk with a walker, is why are handicapped parking spaces never close to the door??? I had to push the walker up hill which was a struggle and around to the opposite side of the building (because, why would the handicapped spots and the ramp be on the same side of the building?!?!). And of course, after 2 years with a walker I still can't remember to ask for accessible seating so we were stuck in the middle of a row (which I hate walker or not). Either way the show was great and close to home. Of course, he fidgeted the entire time but at least I was there.
By the time we got home, I was wiped. Apparently sitting for 2 hours in a theater is very tiring! Well this post has been long enough....until next time...
T
My story starts in 1990. I was 10 years old and playing in my front yard in the middle of suburbia when I scratched my head to find a tick attached. Of course, being in suburbia in 1990 my parents were not particularly aware of lyme and people generally thought that was something you only had to worry about in the middle of the woods. So my dad pulled it out and that was that....of course that wasn't that. It started a roller coaster ride of symptoms that lasted (and continues to last) for the next 20+ years. After being diagnosed with a laundry list of random conditions, I wasn't diagnosed with lyme until 2009.
It's a struggle on a daily basis but makes you appreciate the small things in life! Today I went with my fiance, Michael, to see The Nutcracker! I love The Nutcracker. It was the first ballet or play I had seen as a child and remains my favorite to this day. I asked him 2 weeks ago if he wanted to get tickets. Knowing Michael means knowing the answer to this question would be "the look" and the response of "Are you crazy?". First of all, it's Sunday. Sunday is a holy day in this house and has NOTHING to do with going to church. Sunday is football and NASCAR! I get about 3 Sundays the entire year where neither occurs so I have to make the most of those days. He spends the entire day cooking and watching sports. So it was much to my surprise when, without having to beg he said yes! So I hurried and bought the tickets before he came to his senses and changed his mind. Last Thursday night when he took over the tv to watch the Steelers, I realized that was the reason he agreed. Whatever, I was going to the ballet.
Of course just leaving the house can become a major production now and going to see The Nutcracker proved no different. A question I have become much more aware of since I started having to walk with a walker, is why are handicapped parking spaces never close to the door??? I had to push the walker up hill which was a struggle and around to the opposite side of the building (because, why would the handicapped spots and the ramp be on the same side of the building?!?!). And of course, after 2 years with a walker I still can't remember to ask for accessible seating so we were stuck in the middle of a row (which I hate walker or not). Either way the show was great and close to home. Of course, he fidgeted the entire time but at least I was there.
By the time we got home, I was wiped. Apparently sitting for 2 hours in a theater is very tiring! Well this post has been long enough....until next time...
T
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