Ok so we all know we're supposed to exercise but those moments that we feel well enough to are fleeting. Plus let's face it, walking on the treadmill is boring which does nothing to get your motivation up to do it! I joined a gym in May thinking if I paid to go (how many of us have had this thought?) I would go, but I have been a total of 6 times. Obviously this is not working out and is costing me about $12 per 35 minute walk on that damned treadmill. So my solution is to use my Wii instead.
I got the Wii for Christmas in 2008 but I got really sick in February 2009 so I didn't really get to use it. It's become a $250 Netflix streaming machine. A few weeks ago I started playing the Wii Sports games again and I am finally able to play for a little while plus it's a lot of fun. It gives you a lot more motivation to do something if it's fun. Is it the best exercise in the world? No probably not, but moving around a little is better than laying on the couch all day. Plus, if you only have the energy to play for 5 minutes you can and you didn't waste time and energy driving to the gym. Today I bought Just Dance 2 (yes I realize they came out with 3 but considering I'm behind the times, the less expensive version will do) and I played for 40 minutes!! It was sooooo much fun. Plus I have asked for the Wii Balance Board for my birthday so here's to more exercise and better health in 2012!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Flexitarian
I learned a new word: flexitarian. I like it. For those who don't know what it is, dictionary.com defines it as
a person who eats a predominantly vegetarian diet, but who eats meat or fish occasionally
I have always said I could be a vegetarian if it wasn't for the fact that I occasionally crave meat. Generally I'm repulsed by meat! In my mind I pretend it grows pre-packaged on a tree - it doesn't work.
Of course, plant-based foods are a necessity to being a vegetarian and I have not always been good about eating veggies. I also am not so great with alternative protein sources! Other than baked and refried beans and hummus, I had no idea how to make beans (FYI I hate tofu). My "flexitarian" diet has consisted of boxed mac & cheese, grilled cheese, tomato soup, more boxed mac & cheese, just cheese, cheese and crackers, chips.....so I don't think that's really what flexitarian means. So I have been a woman on a mission the last year or so figuring out how to incorporate more veggies into my diet (which I did) and how to cook those mysterious beans (which I also did)! For the last 3 weeks I have accomplished that which I set out to do: I have my meat down to around 1-2 meals per week (of course with Christmas and leftovers, meat made it's way back into my diet way more this past weekend), I am eating a lot more veggies, I have cut way back on the junk and have my calories down to a reasonable level. I'm proud of myself.
Cutting out junk food has been the hardest part: it is my downfall. The lyme spirochetes feed on sugar, so the less sugar I eat, the better off I will be! Although sugary treats aren't necessarily that difficult for me to eliminate; it's carbs!!! I love salty, crunchy snacks. However, I have been under my recommended carbs and sugar intake about 70% of the days so far which is a big plus.
I have been making these changes slowly over time. I think that is the best way to get habits to stick. Otherwise if you are making too many changes you end up getting frustrated and give up. These changes I have been working on for about a year. It has been trial and error: I have done things that absolutely didn't work: the Atkins diet. This has worked for me in the past but with all my meds my digestive tract is so messed up it was not able to handle the large amount of protein. What has worked was adding more veggies. This was step one. I started adding a larger quantity and more variety. The second step was to attempt to curb junk food. This step was the longest and hardest and I wasn't able to be successful until I started step 3 which was adding more protein sources. Finally I have reduced my caloric intake to something reasonable that I won't starve sticking to! Whenever I have failed at a "diet" it's because I've been hungry and feel deprived that I can't have those indulgences that I want. I am telling you now that this is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. I let myself splurge on occasion. This weekend it was Christmas and next weekend New Years': Last weekend was tough (although overall I didn't do awful) and I know this upcoming weekend will also be tough. It doesn't mean I will give up, it means the next day is a new day and therefore a new start. As long as it doesn't turn into a daily event, eating those favorite foods won't kill me!! So even if that scale doesn't budge (which it hasn't so far) I will not get discouraged, because in the long run I will be much better for it. Although, I am hoping overall this will help me get my weight under control with the huge weight gain that occurred when I got sick, but more so I am hoping this will help with my health in general. I am Type 2 diabetic and severe heart disease runs on both sides of my family so I need to do anything I can do to help myself!
Aside from the health benefits of changing my eating habits, there is also a lot of environmental impact. Four pounds of grain yields one pound of meat! Obviously, we are better just to eat that grain and cut out the "middle man". Animals poop and that gets into our water supplies and pollutes them, along with methane that can pollute our air, livestock takes up a lot of room and can decimate certain ecosystems, etc. I am not saying everyone should eat this way, but if every American could eliminate meat from 1 meal per week, imagine the good it could do! :-) These are just a few small benefits to the environment.
Here are 2 of my favorite recipes so far:
Breakfast burritos: heat a tortilla, spread with a little guacamole. Saute onions, peppers until lightly browned and a handful of fresh spinach and continue cooking until nearly wilted, add some whisked eggs or egg beaters and make into a veggie scrambled egg mixture. Place onto tortilla and add a pinch of shredded cheese if desired.
Tex-Mex Vegetarian Chili: Heat 2 TBLS olive oil over medium heat in stock pot. Add 1 peeled and chopped red onion, half seeded and diced red, yellow and green peppers each, 4 cloves of peeled and minced garlic, salt and pepper, 2 TBLS chili powder, 1 TBLS cumin, 1 TBLS paprika and cook about 10 mins until veggies are soft. Add 6 oz canned, rinsed and drained of each black beans, kidney beans, pinto beans (and we added chickpeas too for good measure), 14 oz tomato sauce, 14 oz stewed tomatoes and 1 sachet of cinnamon stick and 4 bay leaves. Simmer uncovered 30 mins. Add 1/2 diced zucchini, 1/2 diced yellow squash, and the kernels of 1 ear of corn and simmer 5 more mins. Finish with 2 TBLS minced fresh cilantro and 1 jalapeno, seeded and minced. Ladle into bowls and garnish with sour cream. YUMMY!!
a person who eats a predominantly vegetarian diet, but who eats meat or fish occasionally
I have always said I could be a vegetarian if it wasn't for the fact that I occasionally crave meat. Generally I'm repulsed by meat! In my mind I pretend it grows pre-packaged on a tree - it doesn't work.
Of course, plant-based foods are a necessity to being a vegetarian and I have not always been good about eating veggies. I also am not so great with alternative protein sources! Other than baked and refried beans and hummus, I had no idea how to make beans (FYI I hate tofu). My "flexitarian" diet has consisted of boxed mac & cheese, grilled cheese, tomato soup, more boxed mac & cheese, just cheese, cheese and crackers, chips.....so I don't think that's really what flexitarian means. So I have been a woman on a mission the last year or so figuring out how to incorporate more veggies into my diet (which I did) and how to cook those mysterious beans (which I also did)! For the last 3 weeks I have accomplished that which I set out to do: I have my meat down to around 1-2 meals per week (of course with Christmas and leftovers, meat made it's way back into my diet way more this past weekend), I am eating a lot more veggies, I have cut way back on the junk and have my calories down to a reasonable level. I'm proud of myself.
Cutting out junk food has been the hardest part: it is my downfall. The lyme spirochetes feed on sugar, so the less sugar I eat, the better off I will be! Although sugary treats aren't necessarily that difficult for me to eliminate; it's carbs!!! I love salty, crunchy snacks. However, I have been under my recommended carbs and sugar intake about 70% of the days so far which is a big plus.
I have been making these changes slowly over time. I think that is the best way to get habits to stick. Otherwise if you are making too many changes you end up getting frustrated and give up. These changes I have been working on for about a year. It has been trial and error: I have done things that absolutely didn't work: the Atkins diet. This has worked for me in the past but with all my meds my digestive tract is so messed up it was not able to handle the large amount of protein. What has worked was adding more veggies. This was step one. I started adding a larger quantity and more variety. The second step was to attempt to curb junk food. This step was the longest and hardest and I wasn't able to be successful until I started step 3 which was adding more protein sources. Finally I have reduced my caloric intake to something reasonable that I won't starve sticking to! Whenever I have failed at a "diet" it's because I've been hungry and feel deprived that I can't have those indulgences that I want. I am telling you now that this is not a diet, it is a lifestyle change. I let myself splurge on occasion. This weekend it was Christmas and next weekend New Years': Last weekend was tough (although overall I didn't do awful) and I know this upcoming weekend will also be tough. It doesn't mean I will give up, it means the next day is a new day and therefore a new start. As long as it doesn't turn into a daily event, eating those favorite foods won't kill me!! So even if that scale doesn't budge (which it hasn't so far) I will not get discouraged, because in the long run I will be much better for it. Although, I am hoping overall this will help me get my weight under control with the huge weight gain that occurred when I got sick, but more so I am hoping this will help with my health in general. I am Type 2 diabetic and severe heart disease runs on both sides of my family so I need to do anything I can do to help myself!
Aside from the health benefits of changing my eating habits, there is also a lot of environmental impact. Four pounds of grain yields one pound of meat! Obviously, we are better just to eat that grain and cut out the "middle man". Animals poop and that gets into our water supplies and pollutes them, along with methane that can pollute our air, livestock takes up a lot of room and can decimate certain ecosystems, etc. I am not saying everyone should eat this way, but if every American could eliminate meat from 1 meal per week, imagine the good it could do! :-) These are just a few small benefits to the environment.
Here are 2 of my favorite recipes so far:
Breakfast burritos: heat a tortilla, spread with a little guacamole. Saute onions, peppers until lightly browned and a handful of fresh spinach and continue cooking until nearly wilted, add some whisked eggs or egg beaters and make into a veggie scrambled egg mixture. Place onto tortilla and add a pinch of shredded cheese if desired.
Tex-Mex Vegetarian Chili: Heat 2 TBLS olive oil over medium heat in stock pot. Add 1 peeled and chopped red onion, half seeded and diced red, yellow and green peppers each, 4 cloves of peeled and minced garlic, salt and pepper, 2 TBLS chili powder, 1 TBLS cumin, 1 TBLS paprika and cook about 10 mins until veggies are soft. Add 6 oz canned, rinsed and drained of each black beans, kidney beans, pinto beans (and we added chickpeas too for good measure), 14 oz tomato sauce, 14 oz stewed tomatoes and 1 sachet of cinnamon stick and 4 bay leaves. Simmer uncovered 30 mins. Add 1/2 diced zucchini, 1/2 diced yellow squash, and the kernels of 1 ear of corn and simmer 5 more mins. Finish with 2 TBLS minced fresh cilantro and 1 jalapeno, seeded and minced. Ladle into bowls and garnish with sour cream. YUMMY!!
Monday, December 26, 2011
The Holidays
I hope everyone has enjoyed the holidays so far! I have enjoyed spending time with family and friends. What I haven't enjoyed is what all that excitement has done to the spirochetes. Unfortunately they have had a little too much fun themselves! Christmas Eve started out early with me baking at 3:30a (because I have severe insomnia, not because I am a masochist). I headed to bed a few hours later but only got about 6 hours of sleep. By the time I headed home to RI, I was quite tired already. Halfway through the evening I spent about an hour at a friend of the family's not being able to walk or speak. Not the most pleasant thing to have happen. Luckily when it's family and close friends, it isn't such a big deal since they know what is happening but when there are strangers around, it gets kind of embarrassing.
The same thing happened on Christmas Day. Of course having twin 3.5 year old niece and nephew will make that happen to just about anyone! Santa was very good to them :-) They had a lot of energy running and jumping and by the end of the day there was lots of tired crying! My nephew was crying and a minute later completely passed out in my lap.
It was a fun, but long day for all 3 of us.
The same thing happened on Christmas Day. Of course having twin 3.5 year old niece and nephew will make that happen to just about anyone! Santa was very good to them :-) They had a lot of energy running and jumping and by the end of the day there was lots of tired crying! My nephew was crying and a minute later completely passed out in my lap.
It was a fun, but long day for all 3 of us.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas cookies from hell!!!
We baked 3 kinds of Christmas cookies today. Thank goodness we waited until today to make them and not earlier in the week like I wanted because I attacked them. I, of course needed to taste test them....I don't want to give people bland cookies! I also received a plate of cookies as a gift which I also needed to sample. Grrr....I have been doing so well eating healthy lately. Sugar is awful for the lyme - it's their food so the best thing to do is not have it at all. Well apparently my spirochetes are also having a Merry Christmas. lol
Well, it's the middle of the night and the dough for my kiffles is thorougly chilled...so I am off to bake some more. Let's see if I can resist the urge to taste test this time. ;-P
Merry Christmas!!
Well, it's the middle of the night and the dough for my kiffles is thorougly chilled...so I am off to bake some more. Let's see if I can resist the urge to taste test this time. ;-P
Merry Christmas!!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Welcoming in 2012
I am welcoming 2012 with open arms. I hope that this year is finally the year to usher in good health and a little good luck that this house needs! So in honor of that, let's sum up 2011!
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
I allowed my creative side to develop....the side of me that's essentially been dormant since I was 14. I was always one of the better students in art classes going through school but I stopped doing anything creative when I decided to become a scientist.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions?
I did not have any - just a New Years' wish to get better. This year I hope to live a healthier lifestyle regardless of my limitations.
3. Did you do any traveling this year?
Not exactly, but I did get to spend a night in Boston for a friends wedding. Michael and I went to the Boston of Museum of Science the next day. I also spent several other nights in Boston, but those were for medical tests....nothing fun!
4. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
#1 of course, would be my health! #2 would be for Michael to be able to find a job and #3 would be for just a little luck!
5. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 24th when Michael and I had our commitment ceremony.
6. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Getting the guts to develop that creative side of mine and display my work.
7. What was your biggest failure?
Not being as careful about my health as I should be.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Duh. lol
9. What was the best thing you bought?
My sewing machine :-)
10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael and the rest of my family and friends. They have provided me with tons of love and support. Michael especially has stood by me through thick and thin and really took care of me (sometimes too much!)
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The medical community as a whole. However, I am encouraged to see the last few months more information/attention/research coming out about lyme.
12. Where did most of your money go?
What money? lol
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I am still really, really, really excited about the prospect of feeling better and having a normal life again....this one is ongoing ;-)
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
David Gray's "This Year's Love" because it's mine and Michael's song.
15. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Pushed myself to exercise more. It is so hard when you barely have the energy to get off the couch but I'm not doing myself any favors by not doing it at all.
16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Taking my stress out on Michael!!!!!!!
17. How will you be spending Christmas?
Close family friends Christmas Eve, my parents' house Christmas Day and my aunt and uncle the following weekend.
18. Did you fall in love in 2011?
With my Michael of course!
19. What was your favorite TV program?
I watch too much TV!
20. What was the best book you read?
Well with the brain damage reading is not my strong suit so it's mostly magazines, but I did read the Hunger Games and I enjoyed reading the trilogy.
21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele, duh.
22. What did you want and get?
Michael and I to show our commitment to eachother in front of our friends and family. It wasn't the way I wanted it to happen, but we did it.
23. What did you want and not get?
My health and a job for Michael (I sound like a broken record!)
24. What was your favorite film of this year?
No idea. I can't for the life of me remember what movies I saw. lol
25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 this year. Everything is a blur....I don't remember what I did yesterday nevermind what happened last January. I'm sure I had dinner with the family.
26.What was one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Guess....lol
27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Lazy....definitely not the usual.
28. What kept you sane?
Who says I'm sane?????
29. What political issue stirred you the most?
Lyme disease! It may not seem like a political issue to most but it is. Luckily there are some politicians out there who are on the side of the lymies and have introduced assorted legislation to help us. Of course there's also the Keystone XL pipeline....
30. Who did you miss?
I miss being near the majority of my friends and family.
31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Sometimes you need to roll with the punches. If you fight against everything it will consume you. It certainly isn't one I have mastered by any means, but it's something I am working on.
32. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Don't stop believing" - Journey
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
I allowed my creative side to develop....the side of me that's essentially been dormant since I was 14. I was always one of the better students in art classes going through school but I stopped doing anything creative when I decided to become a scientist.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions?
I did not have any - just a New Years' wish to get better. This year I hope to live a healthier lifestyle regardless of my limitations.
3. Did you do any traveling this year?
Not exactly, but I did get to spend a night in Boston for a friends wedding. Michael and I went to the Boston of Museum of Science the next day. I also spent several other nights in Boston, but those were for medical tests....nothing fun!
4. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
#1 of course, would be my health! #2 would be for Michael to be able to find a job and #3 would be for just a little luck!
5. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
September 24th when Michael and I had our commitment ceremony.
6. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Getting the guts to develop that creative side of mine and display my work.
7. What was your biggest failure?
Not being as careful about my health as I should be.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Duh. lol
9. What was the best thing you bought?
My sewing machine :-)
10. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Michael and the rest of my family and friends. They have provided me with tons of love and support. Michael especially has stood by me through thick and thin and really took care of me (sometimes too much!)
11. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The medical community as a whole. However, I am encouraged to see the last few months more information/attention/research coming out about lyme.
12. Where did most of your money go?
What money? lol
13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I am still really, really, really excited about the prospect of feeling better and having a normal life again....this one is ongoing ;-)
14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
David Gray's "This Year's Love" because it's mine and Michael's song.
15. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Pushed myself to exercise more. It is so hard when you barely have the energy to get off the couch but I'm not doing myself any favors by not doing it at all.
16. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Taking my stress out on Michael!!!!!!!
17. How will you be spending Christmas?
Close family friends Christmas Eve, my parents' house Christmas Day and my aunt and uncle the following weekend.
18. Did you fall in love in 2011?
With my Michael of course!
19. What was your favorite TV program?
I watch too much TV!
20. What was the best book you read?
Well with the brain damage reading is not my strong suit so it's mostly magazines, but I did read the Hunger Games and I enjoyed reading the trilogy.
21. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Adele, duh.
22. What did you want and get?
Michael and I to show our commitment to eachother in front of our friends and family. It wasn't the way I wanted it to happen, but we did it.
23. What did you want and not get?
My health and a job for Michael (I sound like a broken record!)
24. What was your favorite film of this year?
No idea. I can't for the life of me remember what movies I saw. lol
25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31 this year. Everything is a blur....I don't remember what I did yesterday nevermind what happened last January. I'm sure I had dinner with the family.
26.What was one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Guess....lol
27. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Lazy....definitely not the usual.
28. What kept you sane?
Who says I'm sane?????
29. What political issue stirred you the most?
Lyme disease! It may not seem like a political issue to most but it is. Luckily there are some politicians out there who are on the side of the lymies and have introduced assorted legislation to help us. Of course there's also the Keystone XL pipeline....
30. Who did you miss?
I miss being near the majority of my friends and family.
31. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Sometimes you need to roll with the punches. If you fight against everything it will consume you. It certainly isn't one I have mastered by any means, but it's something I am working on.
32. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Don't stop believing" - Journey
Monday, December 19, 2011
The ugly....
What's not pretty about lyme is what it steals from you.
It's robbed me of being able to walk, speak (sometimes literally and sometimes I just can't put my thoughts into words), read, I have tremors so bad some days I need to use a straw so I don't spill my drink all over, work, be a spouse, the great aunt I want to be, the friend I once was, and just enjoy my life in general.
Even though I have had lyme for over 20 years, I was relatively healthy until 2008. Before that, I was a graduate student, a runner, an outdoors person, a social butterfly...now when I leave my apartment it's to basically go to the doctor or Walmart or occasionally go out with a friend. Most of the time I require a walker and sometimes even a wheelchair to do these things.
In 2006 I ran the Maine Half Marathon and was training for the Walt Disney World Marathon. Now some days I literally cannot walk from the couch to the bathroom. I was robbed of my self confidence: something I never lacked in the past. I get nervous leaving the house. My independence is gone. I rarely leave the house by myself (although it is getting better). I used to commute 4 hours a day to and from work (not that I enjoyed it!) now I absolutely will not drive more than 20 minutes and most days won't drive at all. Most of that has been a result of the brain damage. I lost all my "mental maps" and get easily lost even driving roads I have been familiar with my entire life; I get confused between the brake and the gas pedals; my reading comprehension is not great so reading road signs on the move can be a real challenge; and needless to say, the quick thinking sometimes required while driving just doesn't occur.
But, it's more than just these things in and of themselves: I am literally afraid when doing things on my own. That is the worst thing of all.
It's robbed me of being able to walk, speak (sometimes literally and sometimes I just can't put my thoughts into words), read, I have tremors so bad some days I need to use a straw so I don't spill my drink all over, work, be a spouse, the great aunt I want to be, the friend I once was, and just enjoy my life in general.
Even though I have had lyme for over 20 years, I was relatively healthy until 2008. Before that, I was a graduate student, a runner, an outdoors person, a social butterfly...now when I leave my apartment it's to basically go to the doctor or Walmart or occasionally go out with a friend. Most of the time I require a walker and sometimes even a wheelchair to do these things.
In 2006 I ran the Maine Half Marathon and was training for the Walt Disney World Marathon. Now some days I literally cannot walk from the couch to the bathroom. I was robbed of my self confidence: something I never lacked in the past. I get nervous leaving the house. My independence is gone. I rarely leave the house by myself (although it is getting better). I used to commute 4 hours a day to and from work (not that I enjoyed it!) now I absolutely will not drive more than 20 minutes and most days won't drive at all. Most of that has been a result of the brain damage. I lost all my "mental maps" and get easily lost even driving roads I have been familiar with my entire life; I get confused between the brake and the gas pedals; my reading comprehension is not great so reading road signs on the move can be a real challenge; and needless to say, the quick thinking sometimes required while driving just doesn't occur.
But, it's more than just these things in and of themselves: I am literally afraid when doing things on my own. That is the worst thing of all.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Benefits of Lyme???
Yup I said it: there are benefits of having lyme or other chronic illness.
I am a trained scientist. I spent 8 years getting my bachelor's and master's degree in environmental science. I was lucky enough to manage to work in the field for 3 years before I was no longer able to continue. Being a scientist does not leave much room for creativity -- it is certainly a very cerebral profession. Unfortunately with brain damage comes the inevitable difficulty of thinking about everything! Making decisions about what you plan to eat for breakfast feels like a major life decision. Luckily for me, I have always had an artistic side. However, early in high school I abandoned my creativity for the pursuit of science: I felt like I wasn't able to do both.
Every once in a great blue moon over the years, I would start working on something creative but just as quickly I would quit. Once I was no longer able to work because of the lyme, however, I began to feel that I lacked a purpose. Feeling like you have no purpose in life might as well be a death sentance. It threw me into a severe depression. I was no longer able to make simple decisions. The confident, independent person I was, suddenly became dependent on everyone for everything. I truly mean everything since I became essentially bedridden for 2 months of my life. Even once I began to get somewhat better, I was still reliant on people cooking my meals, driving me where I needed to go, making my phone calls, doing my chores, etc. I needed an outlet. I wasn't able to read (imagine, going to school for 8 years and realizing you can't read) so that was out of the question and the only thing I was doing was watching tv and spiraling downward.
One day, I got back into making jewelry during those moments when I was feeling decent. It was one of the creative outlets I would start many years ago, and just as quickly quit. Then I started sewing again and making handbags; candles were soon to follow. I was finally able to tap back into my creative side; a part of me that undoubtedly I likely would never have fully embraced had I not gotten sick. I feel like I have purpose again. It's not the same as having a regular job and it's not something I am able to do regularly, but it's an outlet that I truly enjoy and would have completely forgotten about. I've been crafting since June and am looking forward to what new and fun things I can come up with.
So my advice to anyone who is in a depression due to being ill is to embrace something that at some point you enjoyed and maybe forgot about or better yet, find something new you think you might enjoy! Do something crafty or artsy, be creative in the kitchen, start a blog....do something that makes you feel useful again! It will make you feel so much better about yourself, and who knows, maybe it will lead to a brand new passion and possibly a new career once you are ready to get back to work.
T
I am a trained scientist. I spent 8 years getting my bachelor's and master's degree in environmental science. I was lucky enough to manage to work in the field for 3 years before I was no longer able to continue. Being a scientist does not leave much room for creativity -- it is certainly a very cerebral profession. Unfortunately with brain damage comes the inevitable difficulty of thinking about everything! Making decisions about what you plan to eat for breakfast feels like a major life decision. Luckily for me, I have always had an artistic side. However, early in high school I abandoned my creativity for the pursuit of science: I felt like I wasn't able to do both.
Every once in a great blue moon over the years, I would start working on something creative but just as quickly I would quit. Once I was no longer able to work because of the lyme, however, I began to feel that I lacked a purpose. Feeling like you have no purpose in life might as well be a death sentance. It threw me into a severe depression. I was no longer able to make simple decisions. The confident, independent person I was, suddenly became dependent on everyone for everything. I truly mean everything since I became essentially bedridden for 2 months of my life. Even once I began to get somewhat better, I was still reliant on people cooking my meals, driving me where I needed to go, making my phone calls, doing my chores, etc. I needed an outlet. I wasn't able to read (imagine, going to school for 8 years and realizing you can't read) so that was out of the question and the only thing I was doing was watching tv and spiraling downward.
One day, I got back into making jewelry during those moments when I was feeling decent. It was one of the creative outlets I would start many years ago, and just as quickly quit. Then I started sewing again and making handbags; candles were soon to follow. I was finally able to tap back into my creative side; a part of me that undoubtedly I likely would never have fully embraced had I not gotten sick. I feel like I have purpose again. It's not the same as having a regular job and it's not something I am able to do regularly, but it's an outlet that I truly enjoy and would have completely forgotten about. I've been crafting since June and am looking forward to what new and fun things I can come up with.
So my advice to anyone who is in a depression due to being ill is to embrace something that at some point you enjoyed and maybe forgot about or better yet, find something new you think you might enjoy! Do something crafty or artsy, be creative in the kitchen, start a blog....do something that makes you feel useful again! It will make you feel so much better about yourself, and who knows, maybe it will lead to a brand new passion and possibly a new career once you are ready to get back to work.
T
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Oh the simple things....
Yes it is the simple things but when you have memory problems and concentration issues the things that were once so easy are not that simple anymore.
Writing Facebook posts....seems simple enough right? Wrong. An idea pops into your head. Seems like something people might be interested in but then again, how many interesting Facebook posts have you really read lately?? Anyway...the idea pops into your head and you start typing. Well after about 4 words you suddenly switch topics without realizing it because you've been distracted by some other random thought that pops in your head, or someone speaking, or the tv, or....well you get the idea. Or here's another: you get 4 words in and completely forget what you were going to say!
Either way, that witty/interesting/timely post no longer makes any sense and the time has past. Hopefully next time my brain won't fail me....
Writing Facebook posts....seems simple enough right? Wrong. An idea pops into your head. Seems like something people might be interested in but then again, how many interesting Facebook posts have you really read lately?? Anyway...the idea pops into your head and you start typing. Well after about 4 words you suddenly switch topics without realizing it because you've been distracted by some other random thought that pops in your head, or someone speaking, or the tv, or....well you get the idea. Or here's another: you get 4 words in and completely forget what you were going to say!
Either way, that witty/interesting/timely post no longer makes any sense and the time has past. Hopefully next time my brain won't fail me....
Monday, December 12, 2011
The Nutcracker
Those of you who have lyme or know someone who does knows the difficulty of living with this condition. I didn't think I would have a blog (especially about something so depressing!) but I am hoping this blog won't just be about the depressing side of lyme. I want to talk about the funny stuff, provide (and hopefully receive) information and just talk about life in general. But first off, we should begin at the beginning....
My story starts in 1990. I was 10 years old and playing in my front yard in the middle of suburbia when I scratched my head to find a tick attached. Of course, being in suburbia in 1990 my parents were not particularly aware of lyme and people generally thought that was something you only had to worry about in the middle of the woods. So my dad pulled it out and that was that....of course that wasn't that. It started a roller coaster ride of symptoms that lasted (and continues to last) for the next 20+ years. After being diagnosed with a laundry list of random conditions, I wasn't diagnosed with lyme until 2009.
It's a struggle on a daily basis but makes you appreciate the small things in life! Today I went with my fiance, Michael, to see The Nutcracker! I love The Nutcracker. It was the first ballet or play I had seen as a child and remains my favorite to this day. I asked him 2 weeks ago if he wanted to get tickets. Knowing Michael means knowing the answer to this question would be "the look" and the response of "Are you crazy?". First of all, it's Sunday. Sunday is a holy day in this house and has NOTHING to do with going to church. Sunday is football and NASCAR! I get about 3 Sundays the entire year where neither occurs so I have to make the most of those days. He spends the entire day cooking and watching sports. So it was much to my surprise when, without having to beg he said yes! So I hurried and bought the tickets before he came to his senses and changed his mind. Last Thursday night when he took over the tv to watch the Steelers, I realized that was the reason he agreed. Whatever, I was going to the ballet.
Of course just leaving the house can become a major production now and going to see The Nutcracker proved no different. A question I have become much more aware of since I started having to walk with a walker, is why are handicapped parking spaces never close to the door??? I had to push the walker up hill which was a struggle and around to the opposite side of the building (because, why would the handicapped spots and the ramp be on the same side of the building?!?!). And of course, after 2 years with a walker I still can't remember to ask for accessible seating so we were stuck in the middle of a row (which I hate walker or not). Either way the show was great and close to home. Of course, he fidgeted the entire time but at least I was there.
By the time we got home, I was wiped. Apparently sitting for 2 hours in a theater is very tiring! Well this post has been long enough....until next time...
T
My story starts in 1990. I was 10 years old and playing in my front yard in the middle of suburbia when I scratched my head to find a tick attached. Of course, being in suburbia in 1990 my parents were not particularly aware of lyme and people generally thought that was something you only had to worry about in the middle of the woods. So my dad pulled it out and that was that....of course that wasn't that. It started a roller coaster ride of symptoms that lasted (and continues to last) for the next 20+ years. After being diagnosed with a laundry list of random conditions, I wasn't diagnosed with lyme until 2009.
It's a struggle on a daily basis but makes you appreciate the small things in life! Today I went with my fiance, Michael, to see The Nutcracker! I love The Nutcracker. It was the first ballet or play I had seen as a child and remains my favorite to this day. I asked him 2 weeks ago if he wanted to get tickets. Knowing Michael means knowing the answer to this question would be "the look" and the response of "Are you crazy?". First of all, it's Sunday. Sunday is a holy day in this house and has NOTHING to do with going to church. Sunday is football and NASCAR! I get about 3 Sundays the entire year where neither occurs so I have to make the most of those days. He spends the entire day cooking and watching sports. So it was much to my surprise when, without having to beg he said yes! So I hurried and bought the tickets before he came to his senses and changed his mind. Last Thursday night when he took over the tv to watch the Steelers, I realized that was the reason he agreed. Whatever, I was going to the ballet.
Of course just leaving the house can become a major production now and going to see The Nutcracker proved no different. A question I have become much more aware of since I started having to walk with a walker, is why are handicapped parking spaces never close to the door??? I had to push the walker up hill which was a struggle and around to the opposite side of the building (because, why would the handicapped spots and the ramp be on the same side of the building?!?!). And of course, after 2 years with a walker I still can't remember to ask for accessible seating so we were stuck in the middle of a row (which I hate walker or not). Either way the show was great and close to home. Of course, he fidgeted the entire time but at least I was there.
By the time we got home, I was wiped. Apparently sitting for 2 hours in a theater is very tiring! Well this post has been long enough....until next time...
T
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